So Y and I watched "Water" a few days back. It is a well made movie, and very disturbing to say the least. I guess what makes it worse is the knowledge that it is true, and it happens in India, so it is very close to the heart. The rendezvousing between John Abraham and Lisa Ray takes away from the seriousness of the movie. However, the 9 year old's predicament is shocking enough to make me believe that practice of any religion that prescribes such treatment should be deemed a criminal offense.
The optimist in me was happy that this was 60 years ago, and this does not happen in India anymore. However, the realist in me reminded me that while it may not happen on that scale, it still happens all the time in India. Throw out some circles in Mumbai, Delhi and Bangalore, and it is still a sad existence if you are widow in India. While Y knows that India is weird, she was obviously appalled at the sad state of women (being considered unlucky, shunned by the society in general, etc) simply because their husbands die.
I don't know how we got there, but Y asked what would my parents think of me marrying a widow. I had never thought of this before, but I was quite sure that my parents would not be thrilled with the idea. She then asked what if I were to marry a divorced woman. Equally bad would be my guess. My parents (like the rest of Indian parents) think that divorce is such a taboo. I can't imagine them ever wanting me to marry a divorced woman. Then Y threw out the curve ball - Would my parents prefer that I marry a Indian divorcee/widow or a foreigner?
To be honest, this was a question that had never crossed my mind. Yes, they would never want me to marry an Indian divorcee/widow, but then they would never want me to marry a foreigner either. But if they had to choose the lesser of two devils, what would they pick? I really had no idea - I did not even want to venture a guess.
So, I decided to do the obvious - just ask them. Obviously, I needed to caveat that this was just hypothetical. I did not want my mom losing her sleep thinking that I was romancing a divorcee or a widow. Since I was not expecting one way or the other, I can't really say that their answers surprised me. Without a moment's hesitation, they replied that they would prefer me marrying a foreigner over an Indian divorcee/widow.
I really don't know the reason behind their prejudice (to me this is prejudice against divorcees/widows). I am sure some of it has to do with social norms, and all that good stuff. My parents did however say something that would surprise many people. They added that between an Indian divorcee and an Indian widow, they would prefer that I marry the widow.
This, to me atleast, has some logic. Most people would not pick the widow, as they would say consider that a widow brings back luck (I don't say this, the retards in India do). However, since my parents are not superstitious at all, that makes no difference to them. But I can clearly see their aversion to a divorced woman. Lets assume a normal divorce here - atleast normal by American standards. Guy and girl get married, differences spring up in the marriage, they can't reconcile and decide to split up after a year or two. In such a case, my parents would say that the woman is logically partially responsible for the divorce. And their biggest concern (justified or not) would be that having gone down that road once, she may prefer another divorce rather than try and work on the marriage.
Either way, it was an interesting question that Y had thrown out. Even though I got my parents' answer, I am not sure there is a side that I can say that most Indian parents will take. I asked a friend of mine, and she said that her parents would take the Indian divorcee/widower over the foreigner anyday.
Thoughts?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Why I Hate Orkut
No, you guessed it wrong. It's not because of women posting "Hi I Priya. Wud you lik to do fransip with me?" on my scrap book. Though, I am sure that there are women out there who have stopped using Orkut precisely because of (male) morons like this. There are enough posts out there on the various kind of "fransip" offers, so I won't go into detail here.
I hate Orkut because it brings me face to face (or profile to profile) with people from my past life. Now don't get me wrong. There are certainly a few friends that I am glad to have found on Orkut. My best friend from boarding school from 16 years ago being one of them. Unfortunately, I can't think of any more at the time.
However, I can think of several people who I would have much rather not talked to for the rest of my life. Its not that I don't like these people. I will admit that it is kinda neat to see all your high school classmates from years ago, and see what they are upto. And at various points of life, I may even have wondered about some of them, and thought what they are upto. But now being in touch with some of these people, I am convinced that I would have been better off without Orkut. Let me give you a few examples.
A classmate from school that I did not get alongwith. He found me on Orkut, and scraps me like we have been best friends all our lives. To take it a step further, he suggested that I meet up with him when I was in India. I fail to understand the logic behind it. He knows he is wasting his time (and mine), and I know it too. Yet, he continues to ask me about what is new in my life. Nothing dude - don't you get it?
Another classmate from school who found me one day and was a little "too friendly". I don't remember her, have no recollection of her, and I told her this. She insists that we were great friends in school, and continues to scrap me with abandon. She recently told me that she got a new belly button ring, and it looks great. Er...too much information, don't you think?
Few months ago, this girl from school scrapped me that she had a crush on me in school. Great - I am flattered, but er....what can I do about it? She then proceeded to tell me that she has been in love with me ever since and she broke up with her last boyfriend because of me. Considering that we last saw each other in about 10 years ago when we were both 15, a little weird, right? She then proceeds to tell me that I wouldn't understand her. She has a point there...I only understand normal people.
The icing on the cake was when my girlfriend from school found me a few weeks ago. It had been a bad break up, and I had a guilty conscience (won't go into details here). So, when she found me, it was the perfect opportunity to apologize and get it over with. Except that she replied to my apology with - "You have changed a lot. You have put on sooo much weight". Now just because I am no longer the scrawny severly underweight kid I was 6 years ago, there is no reason to go talk about my weight. I am finally at the point where people don't ask me if I am sick every time they see me. And here is my ex telling me that I have become fat. I am sure that all of you (wait, there is someone reading this besides me, right?) would suggest that I write the same thing back to her. I will not lie - the thought did cross me my mind. But my parents raised me the right way (or so they told me).
These are a few people that I certainly could have done without talking to. The saving grace is that I live far enough where I won't ever have to meet these people again. There are several people who have added me, or scrapped me once, but past that, we have nothing to talk about. Dude - we didn't have anything in common when we were in the same class. Now, after 10 years, when we work in different fields, live in different countries, what can I talk to you about? And yet people scrap me - "Dude - you don't ever scrap me. You don't even have time to talk to friends??"
WTF?
P.S. While not yet, I will have the same problem with facebook in a few years.
I hate Orkut because it brings me face to face (or profile to profile) with people from my past life. Now don't get me wrong. There are certainly a few friends that I am glad to have found on Orkut. My best friend from boarding school from 16 years ago being one of them. Unfortunately, I can't think of any more at the time.
However, I can think of several people who I would have much rather not talked to for the rest of my life. Its not that I don't like these people. I will admit that it is kinda neat to see all your high school classmates from years ago, and see what they are upto. And at various points of life, I may even have wondered about some of them, and thought what they are upto. But now being in touch with some of these people, I am convinced that I would have been better off without Orkut. Let me give you a few examples.
A classmate from school that I did not get alongwith. He found me on Orkut, and scraps me like we have been best friends all our lives. To take it a step further, he suggested that I meet up with him when I was in India. I fail to understand the logic behind it. He knows he is wasting his time (and mine), and I know it too. Yet, he continues to ask me about what is new in my life. Nothing dude - don't you get it?
Another classmate from school who found me one day and was a little "too friendly". I don't remember her, have no recollection of her, and I told her this. She insists that we were great friends in school, and continues to scrap me with abandon. She recently told me that she got a new belly button ring, and it looks great. Er...too much information, don't you think?
Few months ago, this girl from school scrapped me that she had a crush on me in school. Great - I am flattered, but er....what can I do about it? She then proceeded to tell me that she has been in love with me ever since and she broke up with her last boyfriend because of me. Considering that we last saw each other in about 10 years ago when we were both 15, a little weird, right? She then proceeds to tell me that I wouldn't understand her. She has a point there...I only understand normal people.
The icing on the cake was when my girlfriend from school found me a few weeks ago. It had been a bad break up, and I had a guilty conscience (won't go into details here). So, when she found me, it was the perfect opportunity to apologize and get it over with. Except that she replied to my apology with - "You have changed a lot. You have put on sooo much weight". Now just because I am no longer the scrawny severly underweight kid I was 6 years ago, there is no reason to go talk about my weight. I am finally at the point where people don't ask me if I am sick every time they see me. And here is my ex telling me that I have become fat. I am sure that all of you (wait, there is someone reading this besides me, right?) would suggest that I write the same thing back to her. I will not lie - the thought did cross me my mind. But my parents raised me the right way (or so they told me).
These are a few people that I certainly could have done without talking to. The saving grace is that I live far enough where I won't ever have to meet these people again. There are several people who have added me, or scrapped me once, but past that, we have nothing to talk about. Dude - we didn't have anything in common when we were in the same class. Now, after 10 years, when we work in different fields, live in different countries, what can I talk to you about? And yet people scrap me - "Dude - you don't ever scrap me. You don't even have time to talk to friends??"
WTF?
P.S. While not yet, I will have the same problem with facebook in a few years.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
About a Friend
This is about my friend. My best friend from college. Lets call him A. The friend that Y says that I would marry if I were a girl. She is wrong, but that is not the point here.
A was one of the first people I met in college. A was on the golf team, and my golf coach introduced me to him on my second or third day in the US. And he was arguably one of the most annoying people I had ever met. He hated everyone and everything, and made sure that everyone around him knew about it all the time.
I roomed with him on my first golf trip, and it was terrible. We disagreed on every single thing. It was only the beginning. Over the next year, I saw A at his worst. His wild temper, his complete disrespect for everything, and his constant jeering at his teammates. Over that year, I also learned about A's past. A had gotten involved with drugs in his final year of high school. After high school, he did not want to go to college, and he delivered chinese food for two years. Ironice, as A was the son of two very successful people - both with doctoral degrees from top universities in the world. When he got tired of lazing around, he finally enrolled in college, but he could not let go of his drugs. His grades were pathetic, and he was on academic probation. And then it happened.
One Friday night, he overdosed, and the lethal combination of alcohol and drugs nearly killed him. He found himself in the hospital surrounded by his concerned parents. As he lay on the hospital bed, he decided that this had gone on enough. He needed to change himself. And so he did.
I met A a few months after this. He had stopped taking drugs, and he was pulling his grades up. He was more focused on life. And while he still was far from a pleasant person, people told me that he was trying.
Over the next few years, I saw the most amazing transition in a person. By the end of his sophomore year, A had clearly established himself as a stellar student. And although his people skills took time, he was getting there. He was much nicer, more tolerant and a thoughtful person. We had a few classes together, and we started to bond. We stopped ignoring each other on the golf course.
We studied together for some classes, and bounced ideas off each other our future plans. I urged him to take some Economics classes, and he added to my interest in Computer Science.
A graduated from college, and got accepted for a Masters degree at the top school in the nation in his field. He got a boatload of scholarships, and won some big international competitions. He graduated and went to work at a highly specialized boutique in Silicon Valley.
Though we now live on opposite coasts, we remain in close touch. I valued his perspective on my essays, and we often talk about quitting our jobs and purusing a dream. The dream of building a golf course. I am not a person who trusts easily, and hence always think about doing things on my own. However, I can see myself working with A.
I recently came to know that A helped out a guy we went to college with money for books. It may seem small, but it was a meaningful gesture. It is A's way of helping those less privileged than him.
I have often shared A's story with people. It is a story of strength, and determination. A story of change. Of bouncing back. Of learning from mistakes. It is not just about becoming better student or worker.
It is about becoming a better person!
A was one of the first people I met in college. A was on the golf team, and my golf coach introduced me to him on my second or third day in the US. And he was arguably one of the most annoying people I had ever met. He hated everyone and everything, and made sure that everyone around him knew about it all the time.
I roomed with him on my first golf trip, and it was terrible. We disagreed on every single thing. It was only the beginning. Over the next year, I saw A at his worst. His wild temper, his complete disrespect for everything, and his constant jeering at his teammates. Over that year, I also learned about A's past. A had gotten involved with drugs in his final year of high school. After high school, he did not want to go to college, and he delivered chinese food for two years. Ironice, as A was the son of two very successful people - both with doctoral degrees from top universities in the world. When he got tired of lazing around, he finally enrolled in college, but he could not let go of his drugs. His grades were pathetic, and he was on academic probation. And then it happened.
One Friday night, he overdosed, and the lethal combination of alcohol and drugs nearly killed him. He found himself in the hospital surrounded by his concerned parents. As he lay on the hospital bed, he decided that this had gone on enough. He needed to change himself. And so he did.
I met A a few months after this. He had stopped taking drugs, and he was pulling his grades up. He was more focused on life. And while he still was far from a pleasant person, people told me that he was trying.
Over the next few years, I saw the most amazing transition in a person. By the end of his sophomore year, A had clearly established himself as a stellar student. And although his people skills took time, he was getting there. He was much nicer, more tolerant and a thoughtful person. We had a few classes together, and we started to bond. We stopped ignoring each other on the golf course.
We studied together for some classes, and bounced ideas off each other our future plans. I urged him to take some Economics classes, and he added to my interest in Computer Science.
A graduated from college, and got accepted for a Masters degree at the top school in the nation in his field. He got a boatload of scholarships, and won some big international competitions. He graduated and went to work at a highly specialized boutique in Silicon Valley.
Though we now live on opposite coasts, we remain in close touch. I valued his perspective on my essays, and we often talk about quitting our jobs and purusing a dream. The dream of building a golf course. I am not a person who trusts easily, and hence always think about doing things on my own. However, I can see myself working with A.
I recently came to know that A helped out a guy we went to college with money for books. It may seem small, but it was a meaningful gesture. It is A's way of helping those less privileged than him.
I have often shared A's story with people. It is a story of strength, and determination. A story of change. Of bouncing back. Of learning from mistakes. It is not just about becoming better student or worker.
It is about becoming a better person!
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